In a recent post about how I hit my original financial independence goal by 35, I talked about one of the biggest factors in my early success: I focused on cutting expenses without sacrificing quality of life. But what does “quality of life” even mean? That’s different for everyone. What feels totally reasonable—even easy—to one person might feel like torture to someone else. And that’s okay! I learned this lesson firsthand when I got married.
One of the first things that drew my wife and me to each other was our big financial dreams. We both had ambitious goals—not just the standard “save for retirement” plan, but a real vision for financial independence. From the start, we felt like we’d make a great team. But what we didn’t realize right away was how differently we each thought about getting there.
At first, that difference seemed like a challenge. But over time, we realized it was actually a huge advantage. We’ve learned from each other, picked up new strategies we wouldn’t have considered on our own, and found that our different strengths work best in different situations. And when one of us has a weak spot, the other can step in to help.
Here’s what I mean….
Saving My Way To FI: The Power & Pitfalls of Frugality
YOLO. If you’re of a certain age, you’ve probably said it yourself. If you’re of another age, maybe you’ve only heard “those young whippersnappers” shouting it as they skateboard by. Either way, you probably know the gist: You only live once. The phrase blew up in 2011 after Drake used it in The Motto, and it’s often an excuse for impulsive spending and carefree living.
If you’ve read any of my other posts, you can probably guess that I’ve never really embraced the YOLO lifestyle. Far from it. If I had to pick a mantra that sums up my approach to money, it wouldn’t be, “Live as if you’ll die today” (James Dean, teenage angst icon). It would be, “Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can do what others can’t”(Jerry Rice, legendary 49ers wide receiver).
For as long as I can remember, I’ve believed that temporary financial sacrifices—big or small—are worth it if they help build the kind of future that most people never achieve. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that saving money became my biggest source of dopamine. If there was a way to cut back and invest the difference, I was all in. It wasn’t just a strategy—it was a core part of how I saw the world.
Why? Well, part of it was mindset. Somewhere in my late teens and early 20s, I convinced myself that because of what I saw as poor educational and career choices, I was never going to make a ton of money. If I wanted to hit my FI goals, my only option was to spend less than most people, save more than most people, and let time in the market do the heavy lifting.
The other part? Family influence. My grandfather—who I suspect was actually pretty well-off—drove a 25-year-old Volvo and used a push mower held together with bailing wire. He was a Depression-era farm boy, and nothing went to waste. Cat litter bins? Repurposed for mixing concrete. Yogurt and cottage cheese containers? Perfect for sorting nails, screws, and zip ties. The boxes that checks came in? Christmas gift packaging. “A penny saved is a penny earned” wasn’t just a saying—it was a way of life. And without realizing it, I absorbed that mindset completely.
In a lot of ways, that’s been a strength. I avoid waste and make the most of every dollar. But over time, that mindset also became a limitation. I started to believe that money was really hard to earn, that it was always safer to hold onto every extra dollar than to take risks. I avoided investing in myself. I played it safe, choosing the “sure thing” over any opportunity that involved uncertainty.
So, yes—I reached my FI(RE) goal. But looking back, I’m not sure I did it in the best, most sustainable way. I got there, but did I allow myself to fully live along the way?
And that’s where my wife comes in…
Earning Her Way to FI: Betting on Growth Over Frugality
When I first met my wife, she was a digital nomad—working as a Chief of Staff for a SaaS accounting startup. She had built her career by getting her foot in the door at a Fortune 100 company right out of college, steadily taking on greater responsibility in project management. Along the way, she leveraged the company’s tuition reimbursement to earn her MBA for free, unlocking even more career opportunities. After seven years of professional growth, she was ready to pivot to a fully remote role at a startup.
Meanwhile, I had been playing a very different game. My approach to financial independence was all about saving aggressively and investing early. I poured everything I could into my IRA and i401(k), working to max out contributions each year. I skipped further education (I could’ve gotten more useful undergrad and grad degrees than the ones I earned, and debated going back to do that many times) and avoided career moves with short-term pay cuts, prioritizing early market exposure over potential long-term income growth. My wife, on the other hand, took the opposite approach—prioritizing education, career leaps, and long-term earning power.
Crucially, unlike me she actually enjoyed her money along the way. She took trips, dined out, and explored the city, all while still contributing to her 401(k) and IRA—albeit at a far less aggressive rate than me.
In the end, we had both been investing—just in different ways. I focused on letting the market work for me, while she focused on increasing her earning power.
Her biggest risk yet is also the one with the highest potential payoff: After climbing the corporate ladder and gaining startup experience, she joined a private equity-backed startup at the ground level, helping build it from scratch. It’s meant over a year of uncertainty, with thousands of hours invested and no guaranteed return. But if this company succeeds—and all signs point to yes—she’ll leapfrog my earned income + investment income combined. I may never catch up!
Strength in Balance: Bringing Both Approaches Together
If there’s one thing marriage has taught me, it’s that different approaches to financial independence don’t have to be at odds—they can actually be incredibly complementary. My wife and I came into our relationship with completely different instincts when it came to money. I was laser-focused on saving and investing as much as possible, assuming my income would always be limited, while she was confident in her ability to increase her earnings and willing to take risks that I would have never considered.
At first, these differences felt like potential friction points. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t track every expense to the penny or optimize every financial decision for maximum efficiency. She couldn’t understand why I was so hesitant to invest in myself or take career risks that could lead to greater long-term gains. But over time, we’ve realized that these differences aren’t weaknesses—they’re strengths.
She’s helped me loosen my grip on my scarcity mindset and recognize that sometimes, the best investment you can make is in yourself. If I had stuck to my old ways, I might have continued playing it safe in my career, afraid to take a leap into a field with more long-term potential. But watching her confidently navigate career transitions and embrace uncertainty helped me take a risk I never would have taken on my own—pivoting into a completely new career. I still believe in frugality, but I no longer see it as the only path forward.
On the flip side, I’ve helped her become more intentional about cutting unnecessary expenses and making her money work harder. She’s always been a high earner, but early on, she wasn’t as focused on optimizing savings or investments. She was contributing to her 401(k), sure, but she wasn’t maxing it out. She was saving, but not as aggressively as she could have been. My approach to tracking and maximizing investments helped her see how small tweaks—like optimizing contributions, automating savings, and cutting expenses that didn’t add real value—could significantly accelerate her own financial goals without sacrificing the things she actually enjoys.
At the end of the day, neither of our approaches alone would have been as effective as the combination of both. If I had only focused on saving, I might have remained stuck in a lower-income career for years, limiting my overall financial potential. If she had only focused on earning, she might have continued spending more than necessary, slowing down her FI timeline. But together, we’ve found a balance between strategic saving and fearless earning.
And that’s the key takeaway: There’s no single “right” way to reach FI. Some people will get there by maximizing savings, some by increasing income, and many by doing a mix of both. The important thing is to recognize the strengths in each approach and find a balance that works for you.
What is Your FI Superpower?
So, what about you? Are you naturally a Saver—someone who finds satisfaction in cutting costs, maximizing investments, and optimizing every dollar? Or are you an Earner—someone who focuses on increasing income, leveling up in their career, and taking strategic risks to unlock bigger opportunities?
Maybe you already know which category you fall into. Maybe you’ve been instinctively following one path for years without even realizing it. But here’s the thing—while both approaches can lead to financial independence, the real magic happens when you learn to incorporate both.
If you’re a Saver, are you playing it too safe? Are you so focused on cutting costs that you’ve overlooked opportunities to invest in yourself, your skills, or your earning potential? Are you limiting your future because you’re afraid to take risks today?
If you’re an Earner, are you fully leveraging the income you’ve worked so hard to build? Are you spending in ways that actually align with your long-term goals, or just because you can? Are you making intentional investment choices, or are you putting off financial security because “there’s always more money to be made”?
The key is balance. Learning to stretch beyond your natural inclinations—whether that means taking a calculated career risk or finally tightening up your budget—can make financial independence not just achievable but sustainable. And beyond that, it can make the journey a whole lot more fulfilling.
So take a step back. Assess where you thrive, and where you might need a little push. Because when you combine the power of saving wisely and earning strategically, you don’t just reach financial independence—you build a life that’s richer in every way.
